Sunday

`Sometimes i wonder, just how many people in this world out there hate me. Kinda hard to think of the positive side of that sometimes, y'know?
Well, to tell you the truth, i don't of myself as all that great. You think you're great? I don't freaking care. Y'know, sometimes people tell me not to care what people think, so sometimes i don't care, and sometimes i do. But I think the most despicable act is to let that person know that you don't like the way they are by your actions. I mean, what the hell, you could just tell me straight out. For example, you could say,"Hey marissa, i think you're _______________. Could you tone it down a little?" What the hell, I could take a little constructive criticism. What do you think of me as? An ass with no brains? Perhaps so, my friend, if i could call you that. Like all people, I have a limit. You irritate me too much, i break down and i shout. You talk to me in that kind of tone, i get pissed. And well, you won't wanna know what happens next. I ain't gonna condone your crap. I try to be nice to you, and I'm not expecting anything much in return, JUST A LITTLE COMMON COURTESY. Couldn't you just give me that? I think my life is screwed up enough without you in it, so don't mess it up even more for me yeah? You don't like me, TELL ME. I won't hate you for it. PROMISE. If you don't have the courage to do that, then what can I do mann, it's your life. You can continue hating me for the rest of your life for all I care, just don't let it show in front of me. And those people whom I already know don't like me, gawd don't act like you like me.[in a platonic way, of course] It makes me sick, y'know. Ugh. I hate myself. I hate the way I've been born to be. Because apparently, some people don't like it. And I like to please people, who doesn't? Yes, and cut the lecture. Life isn't fair, I KNOW THAT BY NOW.
`Let me list you some of the things that I think of myself as, or some people think of me as:
1. A snobbish know-it-all.
2. A poser.[ ohho. i know who thinks i'm this. It's so obvious.]
3. A despo.
4. A show-off.
5. A bitch.
6. A freak.
7. A hopeless socialiser.

`I'm sure there's more to the list. So give me some more and I'll add on to it yeahh? How fun.
`Right now the only close friend I have is Susannah. I've not forgotten bout the rest of you. I just can't confide in you. You won't understand me okay?
` SIGH.